Forever. It's a word that does not last forever. Instead, it's said in the spur of the moment- quickly over pancakes when having breakfast, or in wedding vows that weren't properly looked at. It's never looked back on until the exact moment when something ends. Then, it becomes the crutch that someone relies on, or the case that the defense attorney in our heads builds up- "but you said forever" "yeah, and you said you'd pick up the dry cleaning and make lasagna for dinner so I guess we're both liars"

People say it so much that the word itself has become empty.

Forever has an expiration date- and that's all about the subject.

"can i request that we be together, no matter what?"

and my heart drops.

I've been feeling pretty empty lately, so I have decided to just find something to fill me up so I can actually feel like the glass half full. Optimism is a blessing, yet a curse. How is that possible? The more you look for a solution, the harder it is to accept it because you want to keep looking for something bigger, something better, something that will magically make all your problems evaporate.

There's so many hours in a day, yet they're so empty. It's like the line from the Mikado, "who's to say that a day is only this long, maybe we won't have just 30 days, maybe we'll have 30 years of happiness". That was completely paraphrased, but it sure does sound pretty.

I keep doubting myself, and I keep thinking about the future so much that I forget to enjoy the present. I am missing all of these moments, all of these memories that I could be forming.

I'm sick, and my bones are heavy. I feel like I'm sinking, and everyday I have to wake up and pull myself out of the quicksand.

I want to enjoy everything, and I will. And nothing can stop me.

It fell from a ten story building and shattered into a thousand little pieces that were sharp enough to pierce your soul. I used to find the sound of hearts breaking exciting, as if it was sort of game where the prize was the satisfaction that you weren't the one that was hurt. It was as if you were thrown into a ring and forced to fight it out; if your heart was intact by round two you were declared the winner. The victory was mine. I wanted to collect the tiny bits and pieces, but I was no longer the rightful owner. I ceded my rights the moment I entered the ring.

But this method was not exactly reliable. It was all fun and games until I found a heart that a huge iron gate around it. I wanted it, I craved it. I was a curious child looking around, but the gate was too thick. I lacked the strength to knock it down.

My heart was on the line, but you never let me in. So I picked up all of the pieces and glued the jagged edges together like an enigma waiting to be solved. But some pieces were missing. I don't think you can completely get over loving someone. You give them a piece of your heart, and no matter the size they will always have a part of you.

December.

It's December and I'm shaking,
but all I want to do is
visit your house with hot chocolate
in hand and explain to you
that love goes to South America for
the winter because icicles
should only be hanging down from rooftops,
not hearts,

It's December, and I want it to snow,
so your footprints will remain in the cold
hard ground when you leave,

It's December and there's not enough
hot chocolate for two.

Sunday

-Work on research paper
-Study for math
-Decorate tree
-Peppermint tea
-Subscribe to vanity fair

-Finally go on ebsco with my pin number.
-Try peppermint tea
-Watch "She done him wrong"
-Mathmathmath
-Christmas Shopping!
-Knitting!